The San Juan Fiesta which celebrates St. John the Baptist really is a baptism by fire. Coming as it does at the summer solstice it has taken on a significance of bidding a farewell to the demons of the old part of the year and welcoming a new better life to come.

The tradition in the village of San Juan in Ibiza is that nine ‘bonfires’ are lit in a line and people jump over the fires to symbolise leaving the old year behind. Like everywhere else on the island and also in Spain this fiesta starts 23rd and 24th of June.

Celebrations include:

• Fire jumping
• BBQs
• music
• entertainment
• mass
• dance performances
• bands
• competitions
• fireworks

I’m very jealous as all my friends in Spain will be celebrating like this tonight!!

Ladies and gentlemen, before we start can I just say a big ‘well done’ to me. I’ll be the first to admit I had a lot of pressure on my shoulders, and didn’t I perform brilliantly!! Big pat on the back for me. Everyone else did OK.

Tony was happy with his ball choice

Anyway…what a night!! I must say I haven’t seen so much attention locked on one sporting event since Lennox Lewis fought Mike Tyson. In a match that had been promoted as ‘Access: The Great Bowling Bonanza’, we just about witnessed everything there was to witness. Wouldn’t we have all been disappointed if it didn’t live up to the high expectations? It certainly had all the indications of a true classic beforehand…

• An ‘expensive’ foreign import – Mia
• Three seasoned professionals – Mark, Simon C and Tony
• A Cheeky Chappy from the West End – Simon
• A Leyland grafter returning from surgery – Micha
• A Wedding Planner – Kirstie
• A bowling rookie - Paul

And last but not least…

• An Old Man - John

…and a classic it was!!

Some last minute counting from Simon made him realise that there was in fact only 3 girls and 6 boys. Fortunately for the girls this meant that the much anticipated ‘battle of the sexes’  could not take place. Instead, everybody drew lots and the teams were made:

The Simple Simon’s: Simon, Mark2, KJB, Micha, Tony - LANE 6
Old Man and his Gang: Old Man, Mia, Simon C, Paulo Maldini - LANE 5

After changing into suitable bowling attire (dirty, soulless trainers for eight of us. Simon had a brand spanking new pair) the players were good to go:

GAME 1

After John and Kirstie had volunteered to enter their teams into the ‘state-of –the-art’ computer system, Simon ordered Mark to take down the drink orders. Before leaving to go off to the bar, Simon kicked off the proceedings with his first bowl. He swaggered up with his favoured green ball before launching it straight down the centre of the aisle. Time seemed to stand still for a second and I suddenly thought to myself ‘What the hell! He’s been practicing.’ The removal of all the pins was met by an echo of ‘ooooooooohhhhhhhh’.

‘Yay!!! Well done Simon!!’ everybody shouted and a muted applause was given. He trudged off almost embarrassed at the ease of which he had earnt the first strike of the game. He later admitted he hadn’t been to his Trafford Centre meeting hours earlier, but actually went to practice on the now infamous lane 6.

The match unsurprisingly started as a cagey affair. Nobody wanted to look like this was their first time. Unfortunately, most people made it painstakingly obvious it was! Simon C and Tony were just a couple of the competitors who threw their first attempts directly into the gutter. As everybody tried to find their feet, Mia was attracting glances on Lane 5. After an opening round of zero, she proceeded to hit three strikes in a row and was looking like the one to beat. Meanwhile old man had began appallingly and was getting frustrated. He just couldn’t get the hang of it the poor old reminiscer. He turned to me and said ‘all I want is one strike!’

Its Golden Turkey Time for Mia

Over on lane 6, Simon was achieving high scores. Whilst Micha, Tony and Mark had begun unimpressively, KJB was illustrating some outstanding technique and went onto claim her first strike. Like his dad, Tony couldn’t get going despite several verbal lessons from Simon:

‘You’ve got to stop pulling to the left’
‘Yeah I know’ Ball is sent straight into the left gutter.
‘Stop pulling it to the left!!’
‘I know!!’ Ball is sent into the right gutter.

After Mia’s lucky Golden Turkey, her form began to dip dramatically and Simon C and Paulo Maldini stepped up to the plate. Both began to run the show with a lovely array of strikes and spares. In between this I vaguely remember old man throwing another small fit after failing to knock down any pins.

Mark started to come into his own towards the end of the first round as he finally realised that flicking his wrist wasn’t working. He just couldn’t comprehend why real bowling was so different to the Wii. Micha had started to get the hang of it as well and was unlucky not to get a couple of Strikes. Tony was quite simply awful. He was obviously missing Mark1’s guidance which was so crucial to him being crowned ‘Top Cook’ in the Lakes last year.

Before we knew it we’d reached the end of our first game. The Simple Simon’s, despite struggling to move out of first gear had took the advantage. So what if we had 5 and they only had 4. We didn’t care!!! We won!!!

GAME 2

The second game couldn’t come soon enough for some of us. Old man was desperate to make amends and found some form culminating in a strike which was met by a punch in the air and a ‘YEEEEESSSSSS!!!’ Simon C was playing like a house on fire and Paulo Maldini was throwing his balls around with force and accuracy. Mia’s downturn in fortunes was confirmed by several zero’s on the scorecard.

Lane 6’s Pin picker-upper thing was working harder than the previous game with Micha continuing to find her feet. Any doubts over her knee were dispelled with a lovely strike. KJB was a model of consistency, opting for placement over power. And it was working. Simon continued to prove his worth with a couple of spares. Tony, despite mild improvement was still appalling and stood as the only player yet to deliver a strike. The big talking point was Mark’s dramatic improvement. The thought of the e-mails which he sent round the office two days prior obviously forced him into concentration. ‘Bring it on!’ he had said with a cocky smile*. Usually when somebody shows such sickening confidence and arrogance justice is served and they fall flat on their face. Not this time. Strike. Spare. Crash. Boom. Unstopppable!!!

The now legendary Mark 'the challenger' Holland in action

The Simple Simon’s were doing so well we even endorsed a bit of family time. Mrs Landi, Ms Landi1 and Ms Landi2 all made their way down from the VIP area to take a closer look at the action. It was like a party. All the pressure had seemingly vanished and we were loving it. Heck Simon even let Ms Landi2 have a go for him we were so far in front. The points were clocking up and the beer was flowing. It was brilliant.

Over on lane 5 Old Man and his Gang had finished. Simon C had ended with a flurry as he rolled back the years to when he played twice a week. He even did a little victory dance with his hands by his head and looked a bit like a reindeer. Mia had achieved a respectable score despite not getting another strike after her hat-trick. This led to questions of whether her Turkey was a fluke? The answer was quite emphatic. Yes. Big fluke. Paulo Maldini put in a cracking shift, going about his business without any fancy flair. Paulo, we salute you. Old man showed occasional glimpses of class but his form was far too erratic. He got his strike he wanted so well done. I’d stick to walking if I was you.

Simon C's reindeer dance is now being performed in the streets of Northwich

There was a tinge of hope as Old Man and his Gang waited for The Simple Simon’s to finish. Could the latter take their feet off the gas and throw away victory? Of course not! We were amazing! Tony even got himself a strike which I’ll try and describe from a totally objective and unbiased angle.

I took my position on the wide left, ran up, released the ball whilst on one knee towards the far right, and just before it hit the pins it curved back inside and hit the middle pin. They all fell down. The crowd went wild. There was an invasion on lane 6 and I was suddenly surrounded by dozens of half naked women spraying beer at me and chanting my name. I think it went something like that. Yeah that’s about right-honest!

So what were the scores? I don’t really know. All I know is The Simple Simon’s were brilliant. And we were the winners. Well done us. And now for the individual presentation:

1^st (as much as it pains me to say it) – Mark
2^nd – Simon
3^rd – Simon C
Best performing Female – KJB
Biggest Loser - Tony

Simon presents Mark with his $1,000,000 cheque

And that’s how it all went down!! Well done everybody, It was a great night!! Next time its crazy golf……

All the players who performed that night will go down in bowling folklore for years to come

I’m about to do the Manchester to Blackpool Bike Ride again! It has been a few (cough) years since I was last out the bike, but I hadn’t realised how long! (yes it’s me under the hair)

Being the wrong side of 35 has puddled my brain I was still under the impression that the legs still ‘have it’. I’ve been out on two rides recently and they certainly haven’t - still, I’ve got exactly two months to get in shape (or less of an odd shape), get the legs working again, and acclimatise my derriere to the saddle.

The ride event, on Sunday 12th July, is in aid of Christie’s Hospital, and I’m trying to do a bit extra to raise some cash for the work they do.

So why not head over to my fundraising page a make whatever donation you can!

If you don’t I’ll put the lycra back on, and you really wouldn’t want that.

Early training

Frodsham Hill Climb Competition (late 80s-ish)

It was acceptable in the 80s... Nice Colnago - shame about the shirt.

This one has always bothered me - I remember the first time I was called a ’supplier’ and thought - what a dirty word. A supplier suggests that we provide goods/service to order - rather than providing a service that works best when we work alongside or in partnership with our clients. Our best work is always produced when we are involved from the start, when we immerse ourselves in the product - in the case of some products - quite literally and when we engage with the client over several meetings sharing ideas to arrive at a solution that works for us all.

And when we exceed expectations, or deliver above and beyond the narrative on the purchase order then ocassionally it would be good to be noticed and thanked for our efforts. Clients are not buying anything prescribed from us - each piece of work we do is unique and tailored to their specific needs, objectives, target audience and most importantly budget.

And we are fortunate to have a great mix of clients who appreciate this. And over the years they have thanked us in a number of ways, the odd email, invitations to events, but today we were really taken by the flowers (below), which were sent to us for working alongside a client for over twelve months to put together an online and offline programme of marketing materials, which was finally presented at their global marketing meeting in London last Friday - and I guess it was a success!

Thank you Christine, Paul and Tom, it was a pleasure

Saying it with Flowers

A friend of mine on Twitter brought my attention to this uber clever stop motion film from Takeuchi Taijin. Photographed first and then filmed again - the overall result is cracking.

Ever wanted to create an super realistic miniature model and then painstakingly craft a time lapse video? No me neither, but thanks to the amazing technique of Tilt Shift photography you don’t have to - just find a suitable location in the real world and choreograph each…  OK maybe it would be easier to create a model.

Take a look at 50 Beautiful Examples Of Tilt-Shift Photography, or if you’re truly geeky you might want a technical explanation.

Of course,  there’s always another way…

Getting wet

If you’re looking for an island that offers beaches, a mountain, sunshine, seaside and scenery then maybe you should try the Isle of Man. That’s what we did last week when we went on location for our client The Steam Packet Company.

True to the British Winter-time however, we also got our fair share of mist, fog, wind and rain. That didn’t stop us though. There’s something about this island that makes braving the elements rather enjoyable.

A big shout out goes to our photographer Adam Murray-Brown, our very own action hero Keirron Tastagh and everyone at Access who let us borrow their suitcases, picnic baskets, wellies and box kites.

This Tuesday I took part in an event at The University of Central Lancashire in support of the childrens’ charity Barnados! The students I teach at the dance club at the university, performed a routine and I held a hip-hop workshop for the spectators and everybody involved. Participants were aged 6 – 72 and they all had a brilliant time. There was also a raffle draw and a fully licensed bar throughout the evening. I am excited to announce that over £600 was raised from our efforts!

Woop woop!!

RIP little man

Although you may never have met him, you may have heard me talk about my three legged little hamster named Chambord.

He and his friend Mozart (also a hamster) have been fixtures in my apartment for the past 2.5 years. Unfortunately however, little Chambord went to three legged hamster heaven this morning.

It’s a very sad day for me. So if I am found weeping into my risotto at lunchtime, you’ll know why.

Anyway, I wrote a short limerick to commemorate his passing.

An Ode to Chambord. Our three legged little soldier.
There once was a hamster named Cham Cham,
Who dreamt of a life dancing Can Can.
When he asked how to do it,
He was told not to try it,
‘Cos he didn’t have a spare leg to stand on.

As we all know, Macs are vastly superior to PCs. Seems like Microsoft knows it too. It has been discovered that the recent ‘I’m a PC’ TV ads were actually created on a Mac! Apparently, a Flickr user called LuisDS made the ironic discovery after looking at some of the metadata embedded in the video file. It was made on a Mac using Adobe CS3 software. Microsoft kind of defended itself by saying:

“As is common in almost all campaign workflow, agencies and production houses use a wide variety of software and hardware to create, edit, and distribute content, including both Macs and PCs.”

OK, they fobbed it off onto the Ad Agency, which as we all know use Macs. That’s not the end of Microsoft’s tale of deception though…

A new ad for a Windows only piece of software called ‘SongSmith’ has just been released. This lets the user start singing and the software creates a tune on the fly. Sounds fun, wish they had it for the Mac…

Going off the TV ad it would appear the software IS available for Mac users as it is shown running on a MacBook Pro!

They’ve attempted to cover the Apple logo with stickers but it’s still easilly identifyable as a MacBook. 20 seconds later it’s shown running on a real PC laptop that looks about 6 inches thick.

Here’s the ad. I’m sure the general cheesyness of the ad must be intentional, although why I can’t imagine. There’s a really funny part where one guy says “Microsoft huh? so it must be really easy to use”

Hmmm, pull the other one Microsoft, they’re probably running it on a Mac because it’s more stable at running Windows than regular PCs are.

It has been suggested that the placement of the MacBook is intentional so as to cause a storm and be a viral hit on youtube. Perhaps, but if that was the case you’d make damn sure you did a good job on the ad, make it on a Mac even.